that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
