he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
