I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
