I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She even gives head with a lisp.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
