Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
