That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
vagina is talking i cant
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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