her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
