"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
