I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
