I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize