A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
