This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
