you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
