I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
People in love make me want to vomit
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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