Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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