Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
