just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
