I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
