she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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