I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
