Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
