i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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