smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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