chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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