dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
