i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
