If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
