Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
