She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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