So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
