i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
