Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
