dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
