Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
