Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
