my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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