So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
