***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
