I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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