I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize