woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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