Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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