I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
