so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
