i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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