Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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