I just threw up on my dentist
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
