I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
