I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize