I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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