OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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