it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
