U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
