yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Randomize
