Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize