im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
