My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
honey bunches of taint.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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