Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
