Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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