You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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