you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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