Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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