i barfeds in our rink
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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