I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
