I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
