Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
