I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
